I try not to be a negative soul on my social media, but I think it’s important for people to understand that even those who appear the happiest are struggling deep down. I think we all are at the moment given current circumstances.
I’ve been on a weeks annual leave, just to rest and get things finished as I have put them off for so long. For example, my driving license application- in fact I’m staring at it right now. Whilst trying to fill in the forms a rush of emotion just came over me, no explanation- it just happens and I find myself in floods of tears just crying over life. Staring at the application date I realised I started this June last year, so I think I win the title for procrastinator of the year. This has been my second big breakdown of what has meant to be a relaxing annual leave break, but instead I’m crying, eating everything in sight, and then crying about my body and eating some more. My limbs feel heavy, I have a bad head constantly and I’m relaxed but with my brain whizzing at 100mph. And I know for a fact that some of you are reading this nodding your head in agreement.
I’ve been searching for help on the internet, wondering if it’s worth it, how much will I have to pay, how long will the waiting lists be. I’m finally ready to accept help, all I want is to speak to someone, the thoughts and feelings I’m carrying around are just too heavy and I can’t take it anymore. I can’t help but imagine how many other people feel this way too.
I think lockdown has given us the time to sit, think and reflect on all the situations that we have found ourselves in/around in the past no matter how recent and it’s a really traumatic experience to process.
If you ever need somebody to speak to I am here. All my love, Shana🤍